More thoughts on polyamory

I had a slightly surreal moment last night, I was chatting and perving to a lady I’ve met the other day on a website, whom we shall refer to as Jane, and I heard TPG in the midst of phone sex with her other boyfriend Harry. The sudden scene, of me perving with Jane over the internet while TPG perved with Harry over the phone, and having a mighty loud orgasm in the process, really made me chuckle. It’s surreal for me, a man who four years ago was filling a life entirely bland and normal, married, one dog, two cats and a bland life, to have moved to something so blatantly sexual as us all perving at one another by some electronic medium in an open relationship which accepts that and welcomes it is a big leap in a short time.

I think we have a lot of learning to do about the rules we will and won’t accept. There’s a world of difference between accepting that you are willing to be in a poly relationship and the actual practicalities of having multiple people involved with each other, needing care and attention, looking for love and reassurance, wanting to contribute and being involved. One thing that we have agreed on that goes far beyond being a rule, is that everyone involved in a relationship with us gets equal and fair treatment and respect. So although I refer to TPG as The Primary Girlfriend, should there be other women involved with either of us, there would be no primary, secondary or otherwise. There might, at the moment, be the physical situation of the fact that me and her live together, but there can’t be a polyamorous relationship without all the components being of equal importance, for want of a better word.

Harry is a case in point. Myself and TPG are kind of making the rules up as we go, and trying to be fair to everyone involved. With Harry, he matches TPGs sexual predeliction perfectly, in a way she has never met before. You might think that I would have some problems with that fulfilment that Harry provides for TPG, that I am not quite capable of, and in the old me you’d be dead right. But I’m not the same man I was and now the newer me is delighted for her and for him, to see someone you love being satisfied in such a complete way is satisfying for me, and i am grateful to the man for his contribution to our happy home. He’s a nice guy too, although we’ve only met a couple of times, and he seems to be struggling with some of the same doubts I had when we got into this first. Should he decide to become part of the equation full time, he’ll be welcomed with open arms and most importantly, will not be in a junior position because she and I are already an established pairing.  The whole point of polyamory is that we have enough love for other people but the practicalities mean that we must allow each and every member to be themselves, free and discriminating souls with an equal right to be heard. Now that might sound like hippy tree-hugging crap, but it’s actually the only way to work that doesn’t end up with a traditional family organisation of one chief, one assistant and several junior partners, and how often do the junior partners of such a relationship relish the chance to get out and achieve some freedom?

I hope Harry comes aboard, I hope he finds within himself the kink or need or whatever to be involved with us, because there’s room for him, and he has something special with TPG, and that shouldn’t be overlooked. And we could be friends, and that might be worthwhile for both of us too. I don’t know where this train leads to, but I want it to be a happy train with loving and loved people on it.

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