Window shopping

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I posted on here, I thought it was a couple of weeks and I felt guilty enough about that as it is.

I’ve been corresponding with some women online, putting myself out there on the internerd, and I have realised something, not a great truth I’m sure, that internet dating is just as fucked up and screwy as hanging out in singles bars or picking up women at supermarkets. I would guess tht being with my ex-wife for 15 years and then TPG for the last 4 years means I have absolutely no idea how to get on with women in a flirty way. Relationships I’m pretty good with, I have the patience for it, but internet dating has me screwed both coming and going.

One woman who I thought I’d established a rapport with seemed very amicable and nice. She was a bit puzzled by polyamory, but seemed intrigued about it and we kind of chatted every night for an hour or so and kind of toyed with the idea of going on a date. At one point late of a Saturday evening I popped out for a smoke, TPG took my keyboard hostage and said hi to her, and she then proceeded to pour vitriol on to TPG, about her being a bratty kid that would be an albatross around her neck if she got into a relationship with me, that she had thought about it and didn’t want to be part of “your little family”. This completely out of the blue, we had been talking perfectly happily not 5 minutes before. After a little more animosity, we said goodbye and parted company. But the situation still lingers, because I don’t fit the accepted norm of being a 40 something who is single but still “up for a laff lol” nor am I an involved bloke trying to find someone to fuck on occasion when my partner’s back is turned. Predominantly the situation seems to match up to either of those two stereotypes, with a few hard to find interesting people squeezed in at the edges.

Why the hell isn’t there a polyamorous dating site for people who are already in a relationship and don’t need to lie to their significant other about where they’re going of an evening. It seems our best choices are to hang around swingers websites looking for people who are looking for more than an occasional fuck. It makes me feel sad, maybe I should start one. Problem will then be, how to propogate the knowledge through the poly community (assuming there is such a thing). But we could really do with one, and there of course I’m lining myself up for the fact that there is one and I just haven’t found it yet.

I admit to being a bit stumped now, I’m chatting to a couple of nice women still, but not with any expectation of it developing into anything serious, maybe something physical but that’s not necessarily what I’m after. Time will tell. The search continues, but in a slightly less optimistic fashion than before. We seem to be dispersed too much, maybe polyamory is too much a fringe attitude to have properly got itself into gear. There seems to be quite a few of us about, but I can’t find the pulse of the community to get into the bloodstream. I shall do some more research and see where it get’s me. And I shall try and comment on it slightly more often too, as something to do.